i dont have to continue packing my bag.
i dont have to excitedly waiting to go campsite.
i dont have to get high during oaitp.
i dont have to msg my friends when i'm in camp.
i dont have to smuggle things to do inside camp.
i dont have to put in my heart and soul in pitching tents, in tying knots, in hike.

i cannot go for outdoor activites instructor training programme.

the feeling is equilavent to not allowing me to join fdc06.

i've been wanting to go for oa camp when i was an NCO. and now there's a chance to join instructor training programme.

i

i really want to go. i'm such an irrespossible freak, breaking my promise. i said i'm attending. i persuaded filza and derek to join with me and i left them there in the training programme. wad a friend.

but if i have a choice. i know i'll never do that.

i dont feel your respect for me. but i know you care and you are worried. is there a better way out. must i even not look tired when i'm at home? is there a place/anyone where/whom i can show that i'm tired/unhappy?

off to dinner.


ok. i've controlled myself. tamed my emotions. =) and had a wonderful dinner with my mum. thankyous mummy. you showed understanding which is what i needed most at this point of time. love you mummy.

derek and filza. both of you must jiayous for the course and do your best arhz. get your sleep instead of msging me! haha. rest well =) thankyous. help me! help me pitch tents, help me hike, help me bbq, help me tie knots. both of you must get best trainees kkz. if there's such thing. if not, i give you 2 awards. haha. now haven even lights out i suppose... derek ar.. haha. you still can msg msg! later kena confiscate..

at least i learnt something. the big word this time round is: control.
i tink. i still have to say: i'm sorry daddy.

oh wells. dont tink filza and derek gona have much sleep tonight. i shall do those best trainees award for them. haha. and dose teeny things for my mj class. plan out how i'm gona teach sec3s the new syllabus and how to lead the unit. dey dont sleep, i dont sleep! smiles yingqi.

=) off to unpack my bag le.. =) irealiseureinmymindevenwheni feelnumbedtakeitnaturally"i haf faith in you and me."ibelieve.